Yes, I realize it has been a long time since I have posted anything on here. To be honest, I’ve been lying low. Flying under the radar. Stuck in a weird place. To be even more honest, I’ve been wallowing in the drudgery of writer’s constipation. The only things rattling around in my head were uninspired to say the least. It was just more of the same old, same old. More of the story that feels like it’s been told a thousand times, and I simply ran out of different ways I could talk about how hard things have been. How much we still struggle with the crazy that comes at us, over and over, and over again. Sometimes, it can be exhausting. I know I am not alone in this. I can’t be the first person in the history of the world who is exhausted by their own story.
Then recently something happened, as it often does in life, and I was motivated once again to put some words down on paper… or at least virtual paper.
So there we were, backed into a corner… again. And facing down the impossible… again. The car was broken beyond repair. Excuse me, I mean the third car that had passed through our hands in the last six months was broken beyond repair… again. The computer I use for work turned in its resignation. The floor was STILL uncovered concrete. The air conditioning was hanging on by a thin thread. The youngest daughter needed braces, and not the cosmetic kind. The older daughter was on her way to college soon… too soon. And the bills, the bills, and the other bills created a version of not-so-fun phone tag between us and them. It’s not really their fault, but I didn’t even want to give them a name. That would give it all too much reality. I couldn’t face it.
We tried to be strong, to hold our heads up, to keep a positive attitude. But from our perspective, it all looked rather bleak. And since it all went down the week before Christmas, it was especially painful. Depressing almost. My only defense was that we had already purchased our holiday gifts. Take that cruel waterfall of financial strain. In this tiniest of corners… I win! Ha!
There was a break in the clouds. An interruption. A ray of hope. And not just a simple, hey my life just took a different direction and I’ve learned a nice, cute little lesson, kind of interruption. But the kind that requires a total and complete u-turn.
For those of you who read my book, My Movie Memoir Screenplay Novel, (yep, that’s called shameless product placement) you already know how much it meant to us to purchase and move into our first house. It was downright miraculous. Owning our own home was a concept consistently out of our reach. Impossible.
And then the impossible happened and we bought a house.
Then the impossible happened, and we were forced to sell our first home.
I know that the truth of that can sound… uncomfortable… to most people. Really? Sell our home? The place that gave us rest? Our oasis? After all of our multiple moves this was supposed to be the place where we finally got to stay. Our refuge from the storm. Were we really supposed to give that up just to make some quick cash? Would it even work? And if our house sold, exactly where were we going to go?
An apartment, that’s where.
This might seem like a giant step backwards. I mean, owning a house is the metaphorical American dream. Living in an apartment in my late 40’s with two teenagers is… well… not. Except there are so many good things about it, not least of which are the amenities, and of course the pool. The glorious, glorious pool. Say it with me… ahhhhhh.
So, we didn’t move backwards, not really. We actually moved forward… toward something new. Something different. And ultimately something better. It all, eventually, added up to something good. Even if getting there required the sacrifice of something big. Something important. Something cherished. Something safe.
I suppose that’s the story of our lives. We live in that kind of crazy where the really amazing something good is born out of the really difficult something hard with a large dose of sacrifice on the side. I should be used to it by now, but still it comes as a surprise. In this case, the surprise was a relatively peaceful one. I don’t want to jinx it… but did I just sell my house, move into an apartment, pay off a huge amount of debt, completely change my life and so far (knock on wood) it went okay? Why, yes. Yes, it did.
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